hm. its been a while xanga.

             its time for things to happen.
             i can't wait for friday!
            college is lame, don't let anyone tell you any different.
 

im itchy and i should take a shower but i just really don't have the energy.
i want to wear pj pants instead of jeans right now but they're all at jasons.
i want to take a nap, but all the lights are on and i have a top bunk.
im too lazy to climb up.
i want a big fluffy mattress and pjs on the floor right next to me.

i had a dream i had a pet bat.
and that these two men were trying to inject me with old kool aid in the mall to kill me.
i wish i was a bird.

                                                   im indecisive.
highschool really wasn't as bad as it seemed, in comparison.

I'm sick of working.
But mostly I'm sick of working for idiots.
Tired, tired, tired and sick.
Sick and tired.

I'm also way over my mom being so insecure. She's being ridiculous. She's freaking out about me going to college. I'm like a freaking 20 min drive away and she's acting like it's the end of the world. She needs to just get over it. I used to think it was kind of sweet, precious even a little bit. And I was sensitive to her feelings, but now she's taking it too far. She's turned my heart black on the situation. I don't even care anymore. I can't wait to actually move in and not come home for like months. Just so she'll be forced to get the hell over it. I'm gone two nights in a row TWO, and she's like. Well Savannah your never home, and you need to act like a part of this family. She needs to understand that people grow up. I'm not 12. And I wont act like it.

         I'm so tired of working. I have to be up in less than 5 hours.
aaahhh.

                                               Nothing Gold Can Stay.

 I'm tired of living at home. Even if I don't really, when I have to ... I hate it. I'm tirrrred of it. ahhh. My mom is being so frustrating right now. It's 1 30 and shes doing the damn laundry. GO TO BED. lord. 

         Anyway, I guess September 14th can't get here soon enough.

I visited Ms. Maggard yesterday. I'm glad because I was missing her something awful.
Today was a tiring day and tomorrow will only be the same, except worse.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning. Awkward.
I'm tired but I don't want to sleep.
I wish Jason would  get back already.
I hate using my window
I mostly hate when my mom is in a really obnoxious mood and stays up into the wee hours of the morning.
I just want to strangle her and send her to bed.
 

Good thing Ryann's around or we'd all be fucked. That's for sure.
UC is confused. Everyone's confused. Noone ACTUALLY knows what they're doing, but every one has a freaking blast pretending they do.
I talked to 5 to 7 people the other day just to end up at some random lady's freaking voice mailbox.
AWESOME.
At this rate, I'll never get my schedual fixed. Ever. I'm resigned to the fact that everything sucks and nothing can get fixed because no one that actually CAN ever WILL. So that's just long and short of that story.
(oh my god. i could seriously murder my mother right now. shes whining and walking around the house cleaning things that dont need to be cleaned and bitching. bitch bitch bitch)

Time to go to bed. Slash wait for Jason.
                                                                      Night.

some days i just feel off.
i guess the only way to go from up is down.
i mean, not that far down.
just down.

sometimes i dont know what's right to say
or to do or to think or to ask.
and sometimes i feel like maybe its just me
not being whatever is i cant figure out that i'm suppose to be.

sometimes i have something really important to say, and then i dont.
sometimes i have something i really should say, but i wont.
and i know it.

sometimes its important to just look and to feel and understand.
i dont think i get that enough.
i feel kinda lost in the middle of myself.
which is nice because i've never been there before, and i like it
but sometimes i want some company
but no one ever really shows up
and when someone gets close, they usually turn around
these are all very recent developments though, so i guess we'll see.

( every start starts with some type of a 'some')

busy busy day today.
lots of driving
dyl for a long time
shell
ryan/shell             yay!
jason
jason's shit (hot sweaty yucky...im glad its all out!)
home/food/mama
jason's (and moo!)
now.

i've just felt weird all day.
eck. i dont like it.
i dont like being alone.
i think weird things and i cant be trusted with myself.
eh.

i guess im gonna go fuck around for a while and maybe pass out?